Showing posts with label inner life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inner life. Show all posts

Friday, April 22, 2016

I said I desperately needed some peace of mind. An hour later, he came back with ox brain soup...


Anyway.

It didn't occur to me then, but maintaining an "inner life" is synonymous to keeping your heart and mind at peace. My teenage self misunderstood it as simply retreating from the world and wallowing in desolation (I tried to deny it, but this planet is filled with awful individuals who would rather get ahead at the expense of others). If you know what I mean, the anxiety comes back threefold the moment you must step outside. Like all peculiar complexes, it gets worse the longer you hide.

Withdrawal initially makes us feel safe and secure, but it's detrimental when we use it to build thicker walls. Avoiding people and responsibilities hinders us from having more worthwhile learning experiences. If one really wants to grow, I learned--the hard way 'coz I'm stubborn as hell--that we should balance our need for solitude and active involvement in the world. You can tell me it's a no brainer, but it's easier said than done. To be honest, there was a time I couldn't stand being alone, I just couldn't admit it to myself. I guess I've gotten old enough to say I feel fine on my own. Add that to the fact that I usually want to be left alone. However, on darker times, I seek companionship. Luckily, there are a few people who still stick around for me. 


The world has a way of numbing us through the arbitrariness of adult life. Time and again I feel how work and obligations can take over what's left of my time, leaving me with no room to even process what I'm doing/what is happening. I think we're likely to react the best way we can, in the easiest possible way, at a particular point in time. 

Personally, sometimes I'm just too tired to think of better ways to deal with my shit. That's how I lose myself: when I get world-weary and lazy to even care. And, that's exactly it! It's so much easier to think of inane things (like where to go for the weekend, what Netflix series to watch, when to pay bills, etc.) than to actually sit still and appreciate where we are right now. 

The world conditions us to keep moving, as if staying still, reading, or reflecting on what really matters isn't productive at all. That when we lose touch with our inner lives, we equate the value of our existence with the things we gain materially. Why? Because objects give immediate gratification and inner peace takes so much time without any tangible markers of "success" (which is bullshit, by the way). Most people are not patient by nature. It's like what Jose Mujica said, "I am not advocating poverty, I am advocating sobriety." At some point we have to stop wanting affectations and start working on cultivating rich inner lives.

These days my pursuit for peace and contentment looks more like this: I make time alone, daily, to empty myself of negative thoughts like worries and fears. I make a conscious effort to focus my energy on good outcomes and things I can improve, all while reminding myself that I must strive to be kind, even to myself. I am slowly training my overthinking mind to generate deep and divergent thoughts that do not reject my humanity and smallness. In the process, I hope to have a clearer mind that isn't easily crushed by the world beyond me.

While time alone is essential, it's the quality of our thoughts that will ultimately help us acquire meaningful (inner) lives. I took note of this after realizing I tend towards the downward spiral of depressive thinking. Any form of meditation, prayer, reflection, or whatever you want to call it is a step closer to strengthening ourselves, from the inside out. So yesss, I'm taking care of my head.

Monday, November 30, 2015

My Narcotics


The way art operates promises an end to a sense of being randomly ignored and humiliated just on the basis of what money we have been able to make. Art is a mechanism for appreciation, which is particularly adept at the close study of the ways in which an individual might be deserving of tenderness, sympathy and admiration – and yet neglected by the prestigious world.

- Excerpt from the essay, "Why We Look Down On People Who Don't Earn Very Much," from The Book of Life

1)
Lately I've been reminded why I've taken to art, music, and literature for comfort and perspective on so many things that I cannot seem to accept or understand. Taking pleasure and solace in paintings, songs, and books isn't just about escaping reality. These are some of the things we do in order to stay in a world that's indifferent to our humanity.

2)
Surrounding ourselves with art and having a creative form of expression gives voice and meaning to our otherwise insignificant existence. It is my belief that if we can live beautifully, even for just a brief part of our lives, then maybe, just maybe, life isn't such a waste of time. Existence, as we all know, is too damn short. By reading, we hope to live many lives and try to reach a higher knowledge of what it means to be human. What art gives us is the space to think for ourselves. Here, we might even find purpose for what it is we ought to do with our limited lives. 

3)
With all the suffering on this planet, I cannot imagine a world without beauty, even amidst destruction and confusion. It isn't a wonder why one never gets tired of beauty. In fact, we seek it everywhere we go, no matter how old we get.

What makes art and literature beautiful goes beyond form, technique, or aesthetics. It is content and particularity that draws us to the beauty of creative work, telling us " Here I am with you. I am sharing this to you. I know you've known this too." Creative expression is the beauty of connection, of having made sense to someone an experience, emotion, and dream they thought nobody could ever have words, images, or music for.


3) The Elevator Song

This moving music is a masterpiece that captures what it means to be insignificant in a vast universe. The world spins on, with or without us. It tells us important things are made meaningful only because we make them meaningful. In less than four minutes, this instrumental piece demonstrates the struggle to make every note count to create complex harmony, tension, and rousing beauty. Personally, I believe this music captures what it’s like to live a brief yet remarkable existence.





Monday, June 29, 2015

Notes on Indifference




I recently had the pleasure of reading Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell last weekend. Published in 1933, the book chronicles the author’s unfortunate descent into the throes of poverty in the early 1900s. After reading it, I could actually understand where Orwell got his inspiration for writing Animal Farm.

Orwell had no choice but to become a plongeur (dishwasher/janitor) in seedy Paris brasseries after months of not finding work. “It’s modern day slavery,” he would say. As if his troubles were not enough, he found himself homeless and once again unemployed when he came to London. For a month he lived the life of a “tramp,” the equivalent of a “taong grasa” or beggar in our society, existing on meal tickets and mercy from government houses or “London spikes.”

Reading about European poverty and famine is strange to me. Perhaps it’s because I never really thought Western civilizations could be that “poor” (I believe you have to see poverty from my side of the planet for you to understand what I mean).  Nevertheless, I still thought their system of dealing with homeless vagrants has become the world’s model for treating people who have fallen into the poverty line.

The idea that you become less than human once you cannot afford basic necessities disturbs me. You become a pest; people ignore you or see you as a burden in society. Foul and unproductive creatures like you are segregated from the public. No one can be bothered to care. You can no longer socialize and it’s terrifying to lose all self-respect. People blame you for being poor.  

(Condescending attitudes towards the poor are all too familiar. Why is this still happening?  Do people even bother to understand? I detest how our individual worth is constantly being measured by our purchasing power. Sure, you have to work hard. Orwell had a streak of bad luck, yet he got out of his rut. But what about the uneducated? Those who lost the birth lottery? Is it really their fault if they are born poor, if they cannot change their status? These are just some of the many things I had to ponder on while going through every chapter. The idea that it’s a person’s fault if he is poor is in itself a ploy to keep one from being simple.)

Plongeur's Life

A homeless man asleep on newspapers in Paris (circa 1935)

Upon reading Down and Out, I began to have profound respect for people who live a hand-to-mouth existence. At the same time, I appreciate knowing that kind people can still exist among the poor, and that there are those, though few, who are able to cultivate intellectual and moral lives despite their harsh dispositions.

The book also reminded me of my graduate school sociology class. My professor began that semester with the history of capitalism and the end of slavery. She then moved on to issues concerning minimum wage work, sweatshops and domestic employment, undocumented immigrants, and unsustainable business models. Our class problematized how civilizations were built on the sweat of billions of minimum wage workers.

Because everything affects everything else, we have to start seeing life on this planet in its entirety. That means making life better from the very bottom up, not just up. A change must occur to address the very root of the problem. And unless people in influential positions actually care about the common man, progress is only for the middle-class and the privileged.

On a more personal note, I realized how important it is to keep our inner lives alive. This goes for all of us, not just for people struggling with poverty. It’s so easy to lose ourselves in need and greed when all we ever think about is our place in society. We have to realize we are more than our desires, needs, and what others see.


--


There is a lot to learn from the past. I find the following chapter very relevant when it comes to 1) workers rights, 2) how we utilize our skills, and 3) how society’s elite fails to sympathize with the working class and the poor. I would have quoted lines, but the entire essay just has to be read in its full form.

Chapter XXII
Down and Out in Paris and London, 1933
By George Orwell

     For what they are worth I want to give my opinions about the life of a Paris PLONGEUR. When one comes to think of it, it is strange that thousands of people in a great modem city should spend their waking hours swabbing dishes in hot dens underground. The question I am raising is why this life goes on—what purpose it serves, and who wants it to continue, and why I am not taking the merely rebellious, FAINEANT attitude. I am trying to consider the social significance of a PLONGEUR’S life.

     I think one should start by saying that a PLONGEUR is one of the slaves of the modem world. Not that there is any need to whine over him, for he is better off than many manual workers, but still, he is no freer than if he were bought and sold. His work is servile and without art; he is paid just enough to keep him alive; his only holiday is the sack. He is cut off from marriage, or, if he marries, his wife must work too. Except by a lucky chance, he has no escape from this life, save into prison. At this moment there are men with university degrees scrubbing dishes in Paris for ten or fifteen hours a day. One cannot say that it is mere idleness on their part, for an idle man cannot be a PLONGEUR; they have simply been trapped by a routine which makes thought impossible. If PLONGEURS thought at all, they would long ago have formed a union and gone on strike for better treatment. But they do not think, because they have no leisure for it; their life has made slaves of them.

     The question is, why does this slavery continue? People have a way of taking it for granted that all work is done for a sound purpose. They see somebody else doing a disagreeable job, and think that they have solved things by saying that the job is necessary. Coal-mining, for example, is hard work, but it is necessary—we must have coal. Working in the sewers is unpleasant, but somebody must work in the sewers. And similarly with a PLONGEUR’S work. Some people must feed in restaurants, and so other people must swab dishes for eighty hours a week. It is the work of civilization, therefore unquestionable. This point is worth considering.

     Is a PLONGEUR’S work really necessary to civilization? We have a feeling that it must be ‘honest’ work, because it is hard and disagreeable, and we have made a sort of fetish of manual work. We see a man cutting down a tree, and we make sure that he is filling a social need, just because he uses his muscles; it does not occur to us that he may only be cutting down a beautiful tree to make room for a hideous statue. I believe it is the same with a PLONGEUR. He earns his bread in the sweat of his brow, but it does not follow that he is doing anything useful; he may be only supplying a luxury which, very often, is not a luxury.

     As an example of what I mean by luxuries which are not luxuries, take an extreme case, such as one hardly sees in Europe. Take an Indian rickshaw puller, or a gharry pony. In any Far Eastern town there are rickshaw pullers by the hundred, black wretches weighing eight stone, clad in loin-cloths. Some of them are diseased; some of them are fifty years old. For miles on end they trot in the sun or rain, head down, dragging at the shafts, with the sweat dripping from their grey moustaches. When they go too slowly the passenger calls them BAHINCHUT. They earn thirty or forty rupees a month, and cough their lungs out after a few years. The gharry ponies are gaunt, vicious things that have been sold cheap as having a few years’ work left in them. Their master looks on the whip as a substitute for food. Their work expresses itself in a sort of equation—whip plus food equals energy; generally it is about sixty per cent whip and forty per cent food. Sometimes their necks are encircled by one vast sore, so that they drag all day on raw flesh. It is still possible to make them work, however; it is just a question of thrashing them so hard that the pain behind outweighs the pain in front. After a few years even the whip loses its virtue, and the pony goes to the knacker. These are instances of unnecessary work, for there is no real need for gharries and rickshaws; they only exist because Orientals consider it vulgar to walk. They are luxuries, and, as anyone who has ridden in them knows, very poor luxuries. They afford a small amount of convenience, which cannot possibly balance the suffering of the men and animals.

     Similarly with the PLONGEUR. He is a king compared with a rickshaw puller or a gharry pony, but his case is analogous. He is the slave of a hotel or a restaurant, and his slavery is more or less useless. For, after all, where is the REAL need of big hotels and smart restaurants? They are supposed to provide luxury, but in reality they provide only a cheap, shoddy imitation of it. Nearly everyone hates hotels. Some restaurants are better than others, but it is impossible to get as good a meal in a restaurant as one can get, for the same expense, in a private house. No doubt hotels and restaurants must exist, but there is no need that they should enslave hundreds of people. What makes the work in them is not the essentials; it is the shams that are supposed to represent luxury. Smartness, as it is called, means, in effect, merely that the staff work more and the customers pay more; no one benefits except the proprietor, who will presently buy himself a striped villa at Deauville. Essentially, a ‘smart’ hotel is a place where a hundred people toil like devils in order that two hundred may pay through the nose for things they do not really want. If the nonsense were cut out of hotels and restaurants, and the work done with simple efficiency, PLONGEURS might work six or eight hours a day instead often or fifteen.

     Suppose it is granted that a PLONGEUR’S work is more or less useless. Then the question follows, Why does anyone want him to go on working? I am trying to go beyond the immediate economic cause, and to consider what pleasure it can give anyone to think of men swabbing dishes for life. For there is no doubt that people—comfortably situated people—do find a pleasure in such thoughts. A slave, Marcus Gato said, should be working when he is not sleeping. It does not matter whether his work is needed or not, he must work, because work in itself is good—for slaves, at least. This sentiment still survives, and it has piled up mountains of useless drudgery.

     I believe that this instinct to perpetuate useless work is, at bottom, simply fear of the mob. The mob (the thought runs) are such low animals that they would be dangerous if they had leisure; it is safer to keep them too busy to think. A rich man who happens to be intellectually honest, if he is questioned about the improvement of working conditions, usually says something like this:

     ‘We know that poverty is unpleasant; in fact, since it is so remote, we rather enjoy harrowing ourselves with the thought of its unpleasantness. But don’t expect us to do anything about it. We are sorry for you lower classes, just as we are sorry for a, cat with the mange, but we will fight like devils against any improvement of your condition. We feel that you are much safer as you are. The present state of affairs suits us, and we are not going to take the risk of setting you free, even by an extra hour a day. So, dear brothers, since evidently you must sweat to pay for our trips to Italy, sweat and be damned to you.’

     This is particularly the attitude of intelligent, cultivated people; one can read the substance of it in a hundred essays. Very few cultivated people have less than (say) four hundred pounds a year, and naturally they side with the rich, because they imagine that any liberty conceded to the poor is a threat to their own liberty. Foreseeing some dismal Marxian Utopia as the alternative, the educated man prefers to keep things as they are. Possibly he does not like his fellow-rich very much, but he supposes that even the vulgarest of them are less inimical to his pleasures, more his kind of people, than the poor, and that he had better stand by them. It is this fear of a supposedly dangerous mob that makes nearly all intelligent people conservative in their opinions.

     Fear of the mob is a superstitious fear. It is based on the idea that there is some mysterious, fundamental difference between rich and poor, as though they were two different races, like Negroes and white men. But in reality there is no such difference. The mass of the rich and the poor are differentiated by their incomes and nothing else, and the. average millionaire is only the average dishwasher dressed in a new suit. Change places, and handy dandy, which is the justice, which is the thief? Everyone who has mixed on equal terms with the poor knows this quite well. But the trouble is that intelligent, cultivated people, the very people who might be expected to have liberal opinions, never do mix with the poor. For what do the majority of educated people know about poverty? In my copy of Villon’s poems the editor has actually thought it necessary to explain the line ‘NE PAIN NE VOYENT QU’AUX FENESTRES’ by a footnote; so remote is even hunger from the educated man’s experience.

     From this ignorance a superstitious fear of the mob results quite naturally. The educated man pictures a horde of submen, wanting only a day’s liberty to loot his house, burn his books, and set him to work minding a machine or sweeping out a lavatory. ‘Anything,’ he thinks, ‘any injustice, sooner than let that mob loose.’ He does not see that since there is no difference between the mass of rich and poor, there is no question of setting the mob loose. The mob is in fact loose now, and—in the shape of rich men—is its power to set up enormous treadmills of boredom, such as ‘smart’ hotels.


     To sum up. A PLONGEUR is a slave, and a wasted slave, doing stupid and largely unnecessary work. He is kept at work, ultimately, because of a vague feeling that he would be dangerous if he had leisure. And educated people, who should be on his side, acquiesce in the process, because they know nothing about him and consequently are afraid of him. I say this of the PLONGEUR because it is his case I have been considering; it would apply equally to numberless other types of worker. These are only my own ideas about the basic facts of a PLONGEUR’S life, made without reference to immediate economic questions, and no doubt largely platitudes. I present them as a sample of the thoughts that are put into one’s head by working in an hotel.