I choose the middle road between loneliness and freedom.
-- Vagabond (1985), directed by Agnès Varda
(a French film I failed to finish watching yesterday)
Submitting to routine isn’t every body’s cup of tea. For the past few months, I’ve put up with a freelance job which only required me to work at home. It was laid-back and I could pretty much dispose of time however I wished, for as long as I produced what these capitalists wanted. Now, I’m not so great at time management and I don’t always meet deadlines on the dot, but I found relief knowing that I didn’t have to venture toward the world outside. In short, aside from being too lethargic to come out, I’ve set certain restrictions for myself.
-- Vagabond (1985), directed by Agnès Varda
(a French film I failed to finish watching yesterday)
Submitting to routine isn’t every body’s cup of tea. For the past few months, I’ve put up with a freelance job which only required me to work at home. It was laid-back and I could pretty much dispose of time however I wished, for as long as I produced what these capitalists wanted. Now, I’m not so great at time management and I don’t always meet deadlines on the dot, but I found relief knowing that I didn’t have to venture toward the world outside. In short, aside from being too lethargic to come out, I’ve set certain restrictions for myself.
I wouldn’t come out of my lair unless I had to help my folks with errands or dine out. Being such a home-buddy and sticking to that agenda day in and day out made me feel a sense of stability. After the grave things I’ve seen (trust me, I’ve seen things) now that I’ve eased half-way into the year, I realized I’m not very fond of surprises. I remember writing about not being a fan of change years back, but I think to put it more specifically, it’s not the change I dread. I think it’s more about how uncertainty bleeds into our established systems. I find comfort in routine and the fact that applying this pattern guarantees I’ll know how my day will begin and conclude itself. It’s not a full-proof plan, but at least it’s the steadier choice. Plus, it’s easier to plan meetings with real friends—I appreciate this because I’m able to give them ample attention. It’s good to look forward to something that breaks routine every now and then so you have a pleasant highlight to your week. That way, I feel I’m not taking anything or anyone for granted.
I’ve had my share of excesses which include everything in the erratic blender: listless afternoons lost to chain smoking, eventful nights overflowing with alcohol (which I unfortunately forgot), surreal Saturdays with peculiar personalities, failing to come home and spending the night in an alternate universe, possible encounters with paranormal entities during the wee hours and other things I cannot possibly disclose, which is typical for most 20 something year olds of the golden age (a euphemism for a world which produced cynical organic machines trying to live decent lives).
So basically, yes, I have been avoiding that scattered kind of life. Now that education has been added to this routine picture of mine, things just got a little bit more challenging and interesting. I can be very impulsive when I choose to, but I guess discipline really does come with age. When our priorities change, our lifestyle comes along with it.
I’m bored to death sometimes. But hey, it doesn’t mean I’ll forget being young. After all, I’ve chosen to live a sort of anti-cookie-cutter-existence. What ever that means.
