Radiance

I haven't heard this song in a long while. I'm glad to say listening to it again doesn't make me feel sad anymore. It only brings back happier days.



Those days when I would sit around with you 
 Oh, there's nothing like it 
And even when my heart was black and blue 
Oh, there's nothing like it 
And everything before and after you 
Oh, doesn't matter 

So do you remember the old times? 
Those were the only times, the only times 

I don't know how it ended 
I don't know where you ran to 
I'll always be right here 
I don't know how it ended 
I don't know where you ran to 
I'll always be right here 

You never have to say that you were wrong 
I know I'd do it all again even if it was wrong 
And I could write a thousand more songs about you 
Before this one's done, the next one's for you 

So do you remember the old times? 
Those were the only times, the only times 

I don't know how it ended 
I don't know where you ran to 
I'll always be right here 
I don't know how it ended 
I don't know where you ran to 
I'll always be right here 

And how will this sound? 
And when will my life 
begin again, 
again, again, again 

So do you remember the old times? 
Those were the only times, the only times 

I don't know how it ended 
I don't know where you ran to 
I'll always be right here 
I don't know how it ended 
I don't know where you ran to 
I'll always be right here

Changing Colors

"I thought of you and where you've gone, and the world spins madly on."
--The Weepies


Dear J.,

Yesterday, I had the chance to visit the places we used to go to. I remembered the photos we took, the conversations we had, and the songs we listened to. Our time together was a very brief year in my life, but we both knew it felt like an eternity in itself.

I recalled we had so many plans. I marvel at how wide-eyed and ambitious we were. Between us, you were the bolder one. And no matter how many times you fucked up, you still decided to keep going. You said you knew no other way to live. I didn't understand what you meant back then, but over the years, I found this to be true in my own life. In the same way we gravitate towards our dreams, we always go back to the things that reminded us of who we are. Our lives were always racked with change and instability. We hardly knew it, but we've always held on to something. I'm glad to know we did what we set out to do, even when we pursued different paths.

It may be sad to think our plans together never happened. Whatever they we're, I know you know we're better where we are now. Isn't it funny how the learning never ends, and yet we're only getting older?

A chapter in our lives is about to end, and I know I'll see you again. Until then, I'll be reading you.

Excerpts from A Moveable Feast

"I would stand and look out over the roofs of Paris and think, "Do not worry. You have always written before, and you will write now. All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know."

--

"Standing there I wondered how much of what we had felt on the bridge was just hunger, I asked my wife and she said, "I don't know, Tatie. There are so many sorts of hunger." In the spring there are more. But that's gone now. Memory is hunger."

--

"It was a very simple story called "Out of Season" and I had omitted the real end of it which was the old man hanged himself. This was omitted on my new theory that you could omit anything if you knew the omitted part would strengthen the story and make people feel something more than they understood. (..understand in the the same way that they always do in a painting. It only takes time... and confidence.)"

--

"Hunger is good discipline and you learn from it... cut down on food so you will not get too much hunger-thinking."

--

"What did I know best that I had not written about and lost? What did I know about truly and care for the most?  There was no choice at all. There was only the choice of streets to take you back fastest to where you worked."

--

"All I must do now was stay sound and good in my head until morning when I would start to work again."