About Time: A Letter to the Past

By now you must have realized time doesn’t feel long when you take it for granted. Your anxiety has ensued, deeper and vaster than any void you’ve had to face before. You are overwhelmed. The fear: There is never enough time, and you do not know how to make up for all the important things you’ve overlooked in your brief life. At 22, you could not articulate it, but it was the moment you knew you were not magnificent.

I will tell you this, yes, you are small, yet your life has a cosmic purpose no matter how insignificant you may feel. You will always be on the verge of almost comprehending it, and you will realize this need to feel free and connected can only be reconciled by accepting life as it is and by graciously moving forward. Do not despair in your smallness for you are not the only one; it is every person’s fate to feel lost, and with it comes the possibility of finding what it is that will make your life richer and meaningful. I believe it is our destiny to find it.

You’ve struggled long and hard trying to fit in a world that tells you what you should and should not do. You may tell yourself you’ve given up, that you no longer mind being like everybody else, but you’re wrong. All your life you’ve only wanted to be yourself. I say, stop holding yourself against normal and average standards; that’s not how good people with great dreams live happy and satisfying lives. I want you to know being different is a good thing. Everyone gets to have their own path, and comparing your lot against others is useless. You exude individuality and people cannot take away your convictions. Never lose the faculty to think for yourself.

You’re right. You will be hurt, tired of the world, you will have difficulty trusting others. But I’m here to give simple reminders: Do not be afraid to live, do not be afraid to love. Don’t stop listening and learning, it’s how you will grow, even in your later years. Be kind to yourself—you will reach a point wherein you feel you no longer deserve goodness from others, but again, you are wrong. People don’t stop being good just because they are old; true goodness asks for nothing in return, it simply gives. You will learn about love in the goodness of others, especially when you learn to be kind to yourself.

Speaking of time, make the most out of it. There is truth in cliché. Never miss Sunday lunch with your family. Meet old friends because you’ll never know when you’ll see them again. Be kind to your workmates because you don’t know what kind of problems they are going through. Have a bit more patience when it comes to people, you will only understand them when you listen long enough.

When your father visits your room, don’t push him away. Don’t yell at him or make him feel unwelcome. Try not to shout back at your mother when she asks you simple things. There is no need to feel defensive about the things you do. In time you will know they mean well, and if you felt they were invasive, don’t get it the wrong way. They just want to feel closer to you. Make time with your family, you don’t know how long they will be around.

A time will come when guilt and anger will shut you down, you will loathe yourself. I must tell you to hang on, to take everything one day at a time. You will get tired of your anger and you will see how beautiful the world is. You will know what a wonderful thing it is to be alive. It will be a long and grueling process, but you will learn to forgive yourself. That nostalgia, that yearning for some ghostly place in the past where everything once was, did it even exist? You will find a word for it: Saudades. One day, that emptiness will go away. You will live through it.

Keep reading poetry. Buy books whenever you get the chance. Don't waste time on people who lack depth, don't waste time on useless recreation. Unless it enriches you, you will find many things unnecessary. I tell you, do not feel guilty about the kind of dream you have. Do not be ashamed of what makes you feel alive. You will only resent yourself the longer you deny this truth. The future will always be unfamiliar and unconventional, but you will find that the universe has a way of making things come together for you. By doing what you love, you will learn to trust again.

Fall in love. I know you cannot help it, so don't stop your heart from feeling. Have the courage to show your love to others no matter what. Holding it in just makes the world a lonelier place. 

Yes, live. Make as many friends as you want, go to places you have never been to before. Do things at least once in your life. Make time for yourself. I hope you do all these knowing your happiness was not gained at the expense of others. 

Next year you will have a wonderful reminder: It will suffice. 

Finally, trust in yourself and the universe. Believe me, you'll never regret a single tattoo.