Memory in Cascades

You remember the year
a boy tried to keep you
alive without knowing
that was what he did

You remember talking to death.
Talking till silence was all
the peace you needed

You remember telling him
things you would never tell
anyone till this day

You remember him sit still
knowing your presence was enough

You remember the days
you waited to see him,
wanting more time. Or was it
for time to stop?

You remember taking
as many photographs as you could

You remember listening
to each other's music;
giving each other
the memory of your songs

You remember trying
to memorize his face

You remember holding
his hand when he reaches for yours

You remember hurting
and hiding the hurt
when he was in pain

You remember
how much he meant
to you

You remember
not saying a word
about it

You remember knowing,
knowing he felt the same,
though he never said it,
you never said it,
face-to-face

You remember he could not
love you back
the way you needed

You remember holding yourself
together, knowing it could not last
You could not last

You remember the day
you decided you could
no longer stay,
telling yourself to forget

You remember your happiness
flaming his misery

You remember these
as one of the best days
of your life

You remember it existed,
something you will never have
again--it existed.

You remember it's better
to actually live
than to just survive
day after day

You remember thinking
Agape is a lie; you die
with the unbearable knowledge
of being unloved

You remember
not saying a word

You remember how painful
it was to finally leave

You remember
not saying a word

You remember writing his name
on a page because you dread the thought
of slowly forgetting him

You remember
not saying a word

You remember hating the nights
wishing you never met him,
wondering if it's possible
to forget

You remember
not saying a word

You remember feeling angry
but not wanting to admit anger

You remember
not saying a word

You remember
to inflict pain
with your absence

You remember
to forget

You remember the memory
leaving. When pain was
the only thing left of him.

You remember finding the page
years later, tearing the proof apart,
angry that you recall everything

You remember
not saying a word...

But you remember writing it
in a letter. Sending it one night.

And you remember
the replies.

You remember now:
you should have been kinder
to yourself.

You remember to stop
hurting.

You remember
and the past catches up.

You remember to give
back to yourself.

You remember sunsets
You remember quiet afternoons in fields
You remember dreaming while awake
You remember to have a future
You remember to find your heart
You remember to go to the ocean
You remember how to sleep
You remember peace
You remember love
You remember being who you are
You remember being yourself
You remember
yourself.