1) My friend’s cat passed away yesterday. From this sentence, I’m not sure whether I want to talk about my friend, her cat, or simply what happened that day. My thoughts are in disarray, in need of release. I fell asleep sick, and I still do not know how to feel about them.
2) My friend’s cat passed away yesterday. She sent me a message at 3am, asking if I could meet her in the morning. When I replied “yes” at 6am, she broke the sad news. That day was my first time to go to a pet crematorium. We talked and had lunch until we finally got her young cat’s remains. I accompanied her throughout the afternoon.
3) My friend hasn’t been a very long friend of mine; I’ve known her for less than a year. She used to be my manager, and as luck would have it, I had a hard time being friends with her. It’s difficult to tell a friend from someone who makes you work your ass all the time.
4) My friend was hard on herself. When we worked together, she was hard on me too. And when she got transferred, I realized I didn’t enjoy working with people like her. I didn’t need someone so stern when I was already too hard on myself. We both have slightly impossible standards, but she made sure certain impossibilities were “met.” I do not know why she keeps pushing even when we’re spent.
5) My friend absolutely loves her cats. I know she loves them just as much as I love my dog. We never mentioned it, but we definitely preferred spending more time with “our animals” (another bad play at ownership: once you own something, you are deemed to lose it) than people. We trust non-humans more. For their lack of intelligible language, we love them more.
6) My friend trusts me, for some reason. Perhaps because I’ve left their company, or because she thinks I have the time for these things. Either way, I believe it’s because we’ve reached a level of understanding. I’d rather we’re good friends than work mates. For the record, I still do not want to work with her in any parallel universe, or the impending future.
7) My friend is different at work and outside of work. She can be an indifferent manager as she is sympathetic when she’s a friend. This is the same person, and I just had to see the entirety of it. For most of my life, I preferred seeing one side of a person. I thought it easier that way.
8) My friend makes no excuses for her actions. She knows her decisions, she holds herself responsible for the things she does and does not do. But there are limits to the things we know about our friends. Their light parts are just as important as the dark. To acknowledge goodness despite the dreadful, and the out pour of kindness where empathy lacks.
9) My friend’s cat remains dead today. We still crave clarity even when it’s useless. My friend took her ashes home for the last time. By now, I think it’s possible to feel too much and nothing at all. Yet, some regrets become apparent with death. An animal dies, teaches us how to be human, or nothing at all.
