I'm leaving this right here.
"Facing up to what haunts you & finding a form & structure for it can never be a commercial enterprise."
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Formula for that Beautiful Poem
There must always be some form of sadness,
a realization, yearning for some place to live
in. There is always the self: the inevitable I
or you whom it constantly blames.
Why is it that the most equally trusted poem
needs explanation? Why is there a motion
to pepper the simplest fact or
to guise sentimentality as an equal
denial of truth to affirm, yes,
affirm a necessity in silence.
How is beauty irrelevant when
all we ever write about wants
to be beautiful? How is meaning important
when the poem forgets its sleep
while you wake up repeating
the same day
all over again –
-- Dominique Santos
Friday, December 21, 2012
Counterpane
Ma chambre a la forme d'une cage
-- Apollinaire
One might as well pick up the pieces.
What else are they for? And interrupt someone's organ recital--
we are interruptions, aren't we? I mean in the highest sense
of a target, welcoming all the dust and noise
as though we were the city's apron.
Going out has another factor about it--
the mineral salts that have leached through our wall
staining it untoward colors, yet we wait
for them, the peace goes on in our mouth.
Sometimes suicide seems like a neat solution--
"elegant," as mathematicians say,
and it's too late to be counted out.
But the black tide mounting in us is probably the best
method. It makes you want to exercise
and simultaneously gasp, give up resting
and spend a little time with a book, or encourage the vine to grow.
We'll need all the feelers we can get come December,
so go on putting them out. Operators are waiting to take your call,
overloaded trunk lines bawling regret,
yet the one answer, when it comes, isn't particularly cogent,
though it means well, inviting us to rest on sparse laurels
and drilling a little fancy into the brain next door.
"How's about it, Chief? Gotten in any smooth ones yet?"
That wisteria sky has to become a sea of comfort
on which we're cut adrift with lots of friendly goats and ghosts.
Life is a warehouse sale for the initiated,
i.e., those who know where to go and find it,
then make it back to the abandoned comb
we've thought about so intensely across the spruced-up years.
-- John Ashbery
Friday, December 7, 2012
Moonless Night
A lady weeps at a dark window.
Must we say what it is? Can we simply say
a personal matter? It's early summer;
next door the Lights are practising klezmer music.
A good night: the clarinet is in tune.
As for the lady-- she's going to wait forever;
there's no point in watching longer.
After a while, the streetlight goes out.
But is waiting forever
always the answer? Nothing
is always the answer; the answer
depends on the story.
Such a mistake to want
clarity above all things. What's
a single night, especially
one like this, now so close to ending?
On the other side, there could be anything,
all the joy in the world, the stars fading,
the streetlight becoming a bus stop.
-- Louise Glück
Must we say what it is? Can we simply say
a personal matter? It's early summer;
next door the Lights are practising klezmer music.
A good night: the clarinet is in tune.
As for the lady-- she's going to wait forever;
there's no point in watching longer.
After a while, the streetlight goes out.
But is waiting forever
always the answer? Nothing
is always the answer; the answer
depends on the story.
Such a mistake to want
clarity above all things. What's
a single night, especially
one like this, now so close to ending?
On the other side, there could be anything,
all the joy in the world, the stars fading,
the streetlight becoming a bus stop.
-- Louise Glück
Friday, November 9, 2012
Houses
We are creatures of habit
and habitat.
I mean, point out four corners to border
my life and I shall have a house
held up by four posters keeping
all the inhabiting I shall do inside.
Meaning, I am a bear.
Meaning, I am wild
with hunger and each morning
my mouth foams over still
flapping fish fins breaking between
my jaws. Meaning, you are
in another country, drinking coffee
or tea, and heading out because you are hungry
for something more than doughnuts. Sometimes
the traffic on your way to work lets you
remember. Meaning, tell me the four corners
of my grave and when I die, I shall try
not to stretch my wild arms
too wide.
2007
-- Kash Martinez Avena
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Capturing time as if it were a firefly
Keeping
I will not wait for ours to turn sour,
for it will not
Long after wine fails its magic in our
systems
And laughter leaves many mouths
without a sound
Like the bright amber of evenings giving
into dark
Conversion, further turning hollow
gatherings
Into ruin. They all will go, with us in
the thick of it
Gone, but not quite. We will go through hours
Meeting and leaving numerous strangers.
We’ve named those who’ve grown fond
Of hearing useless secrets. I will
delight, instead,
In the pockets of silence in-between:
Reaching your hand and locking
them
Into mine, a furtive turn to feel
Your stare; gazing eyes taking me
Back to that place, that night
Where I know. Where you know
Our lives truly happen.
January 2010
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Carnal Fate
We left the expedition:
a private
gastronomic novelty
to find the unconsumed—
strangers at our leisure
cut up and sold
to closing
time versus consequences.
The evening divides,
another moon transforms:
Desire is a solitaire.
Specters speak
increasing interference.
the nonhuman world approached.
Mostly without appetites
we ordered another
aphrodisiac.
We were halfway to extinction.
It was time to go,
always time to
go,
only I will not go.
A cut and paste poetry exercise inspired by the following texts:
A cut and paste poetry exercise inspired by the following texts:
- We always sat across from each other at the same table in the same restaurant, talking. She was a regular there, and of course she always picked up the tab. The back part of the restaurant was divided into private compartments, so that the conversation at any table could not be heard at another. There was only one seating per evening, which meant that we could talk at our leisure, right up to closing time, without interference from anyone—including the waiters, who approached the table only to bring or clear a dish. She would always order a bottle of Burgundy of one particular vintage and always leave half the bottle unconsumed.
From The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami
- I will not go into the psychological divide of eating wild versus domesticated animals, but to the extent of human appetites have increased in both number and the kinds of animals they pursue in their quest for gastronomic novelty and the mostly male-driven search for the ultimate aphrodisiac, the consequences for the nonhuman world has transformed. We have reduced entire species of animals to near extinction. I personally heard a science writer speak about scientific expedition to find the Golden Moon Bear. When they found one alive in an Asian market, it was limping because one of its paws had been cut and sold.
From Science Solitaire, by Maria Isabel Garcia
- We saw waterfalls, too, streams jumping off cliffs into the valley of the Delaware. There were lots of things to stop and see-and then it was time to go, always time to go. The little girls were wearing white party dresses and black party shoes, so strangers would know at once how nice they were. 'Time to go, girls,' I'd say. And we would go.
From
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Monday, October 8, 2012
Transliteration
I will learn
these words so
that I might write
(with you
to you
for you)
only in a language
you will understand.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Index of Strange Conditions
Abulia[1],
19-22, 29-37, 53
All About Eve, 0-90
Anorexia
nervosa, 13-17
Background
ballads, 22- 30
Beauteous flaws,
16, 25, 38, 55
Believing
illusions:
apparent traits & idiosyncrasies, 25-41
aspiring relevance, 19-34, 38-
55, 60-82
happiness, 7-13, 28-30, 54, 61
Chance at
clarity, 18-22, 27-50,
Chasing children,
30-43
Control, 19-25,
28-47,
Drug dependence,
23-30
Amethia, 24
Celexa, 22
Diazepam, 22-25
Disclosure of
truth, 29, 35, 42, 55
Dubious luxury,
26-35, 43
Elusive
liaisons, 37-42, 51-53
Estranged
lovers, 24-31, 49-56
Explanations
& errors, 38-45, 65
Fine flattery,
27-32
Flashbacks,
22-29, 37-50
Fragile foes,
28-45
Giving, 19-42,
55-74
Great Expectations, 30-51
Grace, 12, 23, 40
High Fidelity, 16-36
Hubris, 18-23,
28-37, 48-80
Humility, 19-22,
34-52, 61-90
Immaculate
conscience, 7-18, 45-72
Insolence,
16-18, 25, 47
Intelligence,
1-20, 30-36
Jaded joys,
34-62
Jaunts, 16-75
chronic toxicity, 19-30
insomnia, 3-60
retail therapy, 21-27, 34-43
Jerks,
encounters with 14-28, 35-53
Keeping debts,
38-43
Kinks, 17-38,
51-53
Knowing secrets,
16-22, 30
Lack of
tenderness, 29-43, 54-58
Lapses, 29-35,
55-68, 82-90
Late visits,
25-32, 51-53
Manic trysts,
22-25, 51-53
Midnight, 3-60
Myths, see Believing illusions
Neurasthenia[2],
44-90
Nictalopia[3],
38-90
Nostalgia, 25,
38, 51
Oppositions,
11-38, 49-56
Optional
paralysis, see Abulia
Outcomes, 28-40,
51-66
Pallor, 23, 41,
60-68
Palpable
deception, 19-23, 38-43
Physical
fatigue, 25-38, 44-59, 60-68
Loss of sexual interest, 39-41,
54-58, 60-90
Queer notions,
18-34, 49-59
Quibbled qualms,
24-32, 44-58
Quotes, see Great Expectations;
High Fidelity; All About Eve:
...like all happy endings,
it was a tragedy, of my device,
it was a tragedy, of my device,
for I succeeded.
–Finn, 51
What came first, the music
or the misery? – Rob, 36
or the misery? – Rob, 36
Why, if there's nothing else,
there is applause. – Eve, 29
there is applause. – Eve, 29
Receiving
ridiculous accusations, 25-38
Recovering
reverie, 23-45, 55-89
Removing guilt,
26-39, 61-77
Salvaging the
essential, 54-69, 72-81
Scent of
Sundays, 47-55, 61-70, 81-90
Surpassing
superiors, 32, 44, 56-62
Terms of
endearment, 24-28, 51-53
Therapeutic
hymns, 22-28, 39-41
Trading
traditions, 24-39, 51-74
Understated
intentions, 26-35, 51-62
Unlearning
derision 54-58, 72-90
Urging flight,
25-39, 51-65
Vanity &
vision, 14-32, 51-53
Varied versions
of thought, 21-42, 55-81
Volition, 22-35,
45-51, 74-82
Waning
foresight, 46-53, 61-90
Wanting lover,
32-53
Wasting time,
19-26, 51-53
Xanthopsia[4] , 70-90
Xenoglossia[5],
51-53
Xenophobia[6],
33-44
Yearning, see Nostalgia
Years of
silence, 14-24, 37-59
Yielding
nothing, 19-25, 39-44, 61-90
Zazen
meditations, 39-41, 55-83
Zero recall,
84-90
Zodiac reliance,
29-44, 51-53, 64-77
Monday, October 1, 2012
(signs of) life outside the institution
Cubao // 09292012
a collaborative travel entry
thanks to Dom Santos for signing me up
and of course, to Adam David for the opportunity
AM
PM
CAMWHORING
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Oh, youth! You're wasted on the young!
Slow-mo— I wait in vain for you
Lightbulb takes photographs of you
And it makes you seek the truth
They slide you down a hole
And it makes it pretty hard
It's as narrow as your soul
Will I ever walk again?
Or will you come around—
And see me smile?
Say goodbye.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Parallel Synchronized Randomness
The Science of Sleep (La Science des Rêves, 2006)
directed by Michel Gondry
P. S. R. - Parallel Synchronized Randomness: An interesting brain rarity and our subject for today. Two people walk in opposite directions at the same time and then they make the same decision at the same time. Then they correct it, and then they correct it, and then they correct it, and then they correct it, and then they correct it. Basically, in a mathematical world these two little guys will stay looped for the end of time. The brain is the most complex thing in the universe and it's right behind the nose. -ba dum tss- Fascinating!
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Good Morning, Vietnam!
In recent years, traveling has become largely affordable and a bit more convenient. Every now and then, a change of scenery is a good thing. This spells more opportunities to explore different cultures and expand our perception of the world we live in. It instills a sense of history and enriches our understanding of people from diverse cultural backgrounds. So when my brother and I stumbled upon an online seat sale offered by the most tweeted airline, otherwise known as Cebu Pacific, we knew we had to take advantage of the opportunity.
You can say our family is quite a bunch of avid travelers. My mother loves to travel and it’s no surprise my brother and I take after her. Apart from notable sites we've visited in our country—indeed, it’s more fun in the Philippines!— we've crossed out a few Asian countries from the travel list. For the next couple of years, we plan on going to Cambodia to visit the magnificent Angkor Wat, and to Vietnam for its rich history, jovial people, and awesome pho and spring rolls.
You can say our family is quite a bunch of avid travelers. My mother loves to travel and it’s no surprise my brother and I take after her. Apart from notable sites we've visited in our country—indeed, it’s more fun in the Philippines!— we've crossed out a few Asian countries from the travel list. For the next couple of years, we plan on going to Cambodia to visit the magnificent Angkor Wat, and to Vietnam for its rich history, jovial people, and awesome pho and spring rolls.
Last weekend, we went on a dreamy whirl-wind adventure to Vietnam.
Alright, fine. It’s not as dreamy but it’s definitely more of a hectic jaunt. Once I packed my light luggage, I knew I was ready for 2 days of travel shock. What can a backpacker do with just 2 days in Vietnam? A lot of course, but there’s so much to visit in so little time.
We got to see the following places during our stay:
· Ho Chi Minh - Ben Thanh Market and Cho Lon Market
· Cu Chi Tunnel
· Mekong Delta
· Saigon River
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Good Morning, Vietnam! Ho Chi Minh City |
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The city has more motorcycles than cars |
Purchasing saled seats meant enduring evening flights (that’s going to and from our destination), being patient when the flights got delayed for an hour, and arriving past 3:00am in Ho Chi Minh. My brother says it ain’t Cebu Pacific if your flight isn’t delayed. He’s had a number of trips with the airline to boot and I didn’t bother questioning him. Fortunately, although we were on a budget tour, I’m glad to say we were able to book a good clean hotel. I fell asleep as soon as my back met the bed.
For starters, we stayed in the southern region of Vietnam in Ho Chi Minh, the city more popularly known as Saigon thanks to the world-renowned Broadway play. Truth be told, I only knew a thing or two about Vietnam from watching that play, not to mention movies like Forrest Gump and Good Morning Vietnam. I didn’t do much research before the trip, and I think it’s this very lack of knowledge that made our tour more exciting than usual.
Upon arriving, I found out it was possible to cover the major historical destinations in the southern part of Vietnam as long as we remained faithful to our itinerary. However, for travelers who want to see more sites all over Vietnam, I’d say you’ll need about two weeks. Those who wish to visit the northern region of Hanoi, which is home to the scenic shores of Ha Long Bay, will have to take a 9 hour bus ride or a one hour flight coming from Ho Chi Minh. Though this meant no sandy beach photos or bikini lines to boast for budget travelers like us, I was fine with the idea because it’s not as if we don’t have spectacular beaches here in the Philippines.
I couldn’t catch my Zs during the two and a half hour flight. However sleep deprived, I woke up at 6:00am in time for our 8:00am trip to Ben Dinh. On my first morning in Vietnam, I barely had 3 hours of sleep. Nevertheless, it was still a good morning with clear weather just right for an entire day of sight-seeing. From the city, it took about 45 minutes to reach our destination. On the way, we stopped over to take photos in a man-made forest with endless rubber trees.
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Waiting for the undead :p |
Tai, our tour guide, eagerly talked about the history of Vietnam. Like most Southeast Asian countries, I found out Vietnam was colonized by Westerners as early as the 1800s, particularly by the French. I took photos of the century old Holy Virgin Church, the Grand Hotel which was erected in the 1930s, and the Post Office, all built during the French occupation.
The French let go of the country in 1954 and left its people divided; the northern region succumbed to communist rule, while the southern region became a non-communist republic which later became a U.S. ally. Vietnam was occupied by the Japanese during World War II, but it didn’t affect the country and its people as much as the 2nd Indochina War. The Vietnam War began in the 1960s and went on until 1975. On April 30 of that year, Northern Vietnam was subjugated by Southern troops and Saigon was renamed after its leader, Ho Chi Minh.
The French let go of the country in 1954 and left its people divided; the northern region succumbed to communist rule, while the southern region became a non-communist republic which later became a U.S. ally. Vietnam was occupied by the Japanese during World War II, but it didn’t affect the country and its people as much as the 2nd Indochina War. The Vietnam War began in the 1960s and went on until 1975. On April 30 of that year, Northern Vietnam was subjugated by Southern troops and Saigon was renamed after its leader, Ho Chi Minh.
Saigon Grand Hotel |
The Post Office |
When we arrived in Cu Chi, we watched an old documentary film which recounted how the three levels of the tunnel complex was built. The documentary was dubbed in English and it looked like a film reel rummaged straight out of the ‘60s. It explicitly venerated Vietnamese men and women who killed Americans, declaring them heroes of the war. The Vietnam War went on for over 10 years and the Cu Chi tunnels served as an underground city and defense unit for the Vietcong. It enabled them to organize guerilla attacks against unsuspecting Americans. But then, years of crossfire brought thousands of Vietnamese refugees to neighboring countries like Laos and Cambodia in search of safety and a chance to rebuild their lives. For the same reason, quite a number of these refugees also found their way to the United States.
My brother and I talked about how the film must have served as propaganda utilized by socialist supporters to organize and train the locals for armed combat. This movement defined their nation’s stand against democratic representatives. Evidently, it fostered unity and discipline among its people enough to successfully drive out their American oppressors.
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Ho Chi Minh and my imaginary goatee - yes, I came in uniform |
Cu Chi Tunnel is a major attraction which draws thousands of tourists every year. So much of Vietnam’s tourism booms thanks to Americans who enjoy visiting this country. Today, ironic as it may seem, most Vietnamese are drawn into the American Dream. Our tour guide Tai talked about how numerous Vietnamese families wish to migrate to the United States in hopes of having a better life in the land of the free. At that point, I realized the whole of Vietnam is under communist rule.
I tried to access my Facebook to post photos when I realized it's blocked. The government strictly regulates media and public establishments prohibits access to various social networking sites. That's just one example of communist power, and it makes me wonder what other rights are being regulated in this type of government system (I'll do some more research on that).
It’s strange how many of us colonized countries have that same mentality toward our oppressors—we mostly end up adoring them. I think it’s either we deliberately forgot what they did to us, or they did a good job cleaning their reputation that we seem to have this colonial amnesia. They were simply opportunists. I'd like to believe every country is equal, and absolute power is a terrible joke. Well, just to cut the whining, all I want to say is that the U.S. does not deserve that kind of adoration from us or from any other country. Don't get me wrong, I'm not launching an anti-U.S. campaign. I'm just saying they aren't that great. People shouldn't buy into that American delusion so hastily.
I tried to access my Facebook to post photos when I realized it's blocked. The government strictly regulates media and public establishments prohibits access to various social networking sites. That's just one example of communist power, and it makes me wonder what other rights are being regulated in this type of government system (I'll do some more research on that).
It’s strange how many of us colonized countries have that same mentality toward our oppressors—we mostly end up adoring them. I think it’s either we deliberately forgot what they did to us, or they did a good job cleaning their reputation that we seem to have this colonial amnesia. They were simply opportunists. I'd like to believe every country is equal, and absolute power is a terrible joke. Well, just to cut the whining, all I want to say is that the U.S. does not deserve that kind of adoration from us or from any other country. Don't get me wrong, I'm not launching an anti-U.S. campaign. I'm just saying they aren't that great. People shouldn't buy into that American delusion so hastily.
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Through the Tunnel |
Secret Passage |
Claustrophobia? |
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Stuck in a tank |
Following our half-day excursion in Cu Chi, we headed back to Ho Chi Minh to shop at Ben Thanh Market and Cho Lon Market. These places reminded me of Divisoria and Tutuban in Manila mainly because vendors sold everything from food to china, toys, and clothes all in one market place. It’s where wise spenders buy wholesale items and get great bargains. One can definitely make use of their exceptional haggling skills in this shopping district.
My mom bought coffee and tea at discount price, we even got free coffee strainers. Before I forget to mention, Vietnam is also well known for its exquisite Oolong and Lotus tea, as well as the most expensive coffee in the world—Kopi Luwak, also known as Civet Coffee. If you want to know why it’s so expensive, click this link. No, I am not shitting you.
Well then, that’s it for my Saturday weekend in Vietnam.
Friday, February 3, 2012
To the Film Editor
I imagine you must be deeply absorbed watching the last film you downloaded and saved into your hard drive. I do not think you would be asleep by now. If you are, perhaps your dreams are far more wondrous, strange, and vibrant than all the films you’ve seen that it could redefine the word cinematic. Your dreams could be stored in your beautiful mind for all of eternity, or at least until your neurons degenerate—forget, and die taking them all to the grave. I only hope to have a glimpse of that realm, to see it with your eyes: live boundless until I wake.
Inevitably, your memory will become selective as your hard drive will lack space. Perhaps you would delete titles to store fished files from abundant torrents, make room for unseen films, write drafts that need to be saved. Scrap unnecessary data. You require higher capacity to transfer raw footage into your folder for editing.
As you attempt to transcend the limits of dreams, capture and preserve measured flights of fancy, consider the sharpness of memory even with the intent to forget. For this, I know: the heart could house what the mind has lost. It is my case. I dare not ask yours.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Autotomy
In danger, the holothurian cuts itself in two.
It abandons one self to a hungry world
and with the other self it flees.
It violently divides into doom and salvation,
retribution and reward, what has been and what will be.
An abyss appears in the middle of its body
between what instantly become two foreign shores.
Life on one shore, death on the other.
Here hope and there despair.
If there are scales, the pans don’t move.
If there is justice, this is it.
To die just as required, without excess.
To grow back just what’s needed from what’s left.
We, too, can divide ourselves, it’s true.
But only into flesh and a broken whisper.
Into flesh and poetry.
The throat on one side, laughter on the other,
quiet, quickly dying out.
Here the heavy heart, there non omnis moriar—
just three little words, like a flight’s three feathers.
The abyss doesn’t divide us.
The abyss surrounds us.
--Wislawa Szymborska (1932-2012)
It abandons one self to a hungry world
and with the other self it flees.
It violently divides into doom and salvation,
retribution and reward, what has been and what will be.
An abyss appears in the middle of its body
between what instantly become two foreign shores.
Life on one shore, death on the other.
Here hope and there despair.
If there are scales, the pans don’t move.
If there is justice, this is it.
To die just as required, without excess.
To grow back just what’s needed from what’s left.
We, too, can divide ourselves, it’s true.
But only into flesh and a broken whisper.
Into flesh and poetry.
The throat on one side, laughter on the other,
quiet, quickly dying out.
Here the heavy heart, there non omnis moriar—
just three little words, like a flight’s three feathers.
The abyss doesn’t divide us.
The abyss surrounds us.
--Wislawa Szymborska (1932-2012)
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Fire and Ice
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
-- Robert Frost
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
-- Robert Frost
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Yesterday
My friend says I was not a good son
you understand
I say yes I understand
he says I did not go
to see my parents very often you know
and I say yes I know
even when I was living in the same city he says
maybe I would go there once
a month or maybe even less
I say oh yes
he says the last time I went to see my father
I say the last time I saw my father
he says the last time I saw my father
he was asking me about my life
how I was making out and he
went into the next room
to get something to give me
oh I say
feeling again the cold
of my fathers hand the last time
he says and my father turned
in the doorway and saw me
look at my wristwatch and he
said you know I would like you to stay
and talk with me
oh yes I say
but if you are busy he said
I don't want you to feel that you
have to
just because I'm here
I say nothing
he says my father
said maybe
you have important work you are doing
or maybe you should be seeing
somebody I dont want to keep you
I look out the window
my friend is older than I am
he says and I told my father it was so
and I got up and left him then
you know
though there was nowhere I had to go
and nothing I had to do
-- W.S. Merwin
you understand
I say yes I understand
he says I did not go
to see my parents very often you know
and I say yes I know
even when I was living in the same city he says
maybe I would go there once
a month or maybe even less
I say oh yes
he says the last time I went to see my father
I say the last time I saw my father
he says the last time I saw my father
he was asking me about my life
how I was making out and he
went into the next room
to get something to give me
oh I say
feeling again the cold
of my fathers hand the last time
he says and my father turned
in the doorway and saw me
look at my wristwatch and he
said you know I would like you to stay
and talk with me
oh yes I say
but if you are busy he said
I don't want you to feel that you
have to
just because I'm here
I say nothing
he says my father
said maybe
you have important work you are doing
or maybe you should be seeing
somebody I dont want to keep you
I look out the window
my friend is older than I am
he says and I told my father it was so
and I got up and left him then
you know
though there was nowhere I had to go
and nothing I had to do
-- W.S. Merwin
Friday, January 6, 2012
The song that could change your life
Gold teeth and a curse for this town were all in my mouth
Only I don't know how they got out, dear
Turn me back into the pet that I was when we met
I was happier then with no mind-set
And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind
Well, I'd 'a jumped from my tree
And I'd a danced like the king of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well
New slang when you notice the stripes, the dirt in your fries
Hope it's right when you die, old and bony
Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall,
Never should have called
But my head's to the wall and I'm lonely
And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind
Well, I'd 'a jumped from my tree
And I'd a danced like the king of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well
God speed all the bakers at dawn, may they all cut their thumbs
And bleed into their buns till they melt away
I'm looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find
Without a trust or flaming fields, am I too dumb to refine?
And if you'd 'a took to me, well I'd a danced like the queen
Of the eyesores and the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.
-- The Shins, "New Slang"
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
So, do we really care? I'd like to think so.
“I’m hardly what I would call an “intellectual.” I think a lot, and I ask a lot of questions and do a lot of reading and watching documentaries, but most of it is just fueling my own personal curiosity. When it comes to having a political opinion, to me that’s almost the same thing as having an opinion on pro wrestling. Politics in this country (and all around the world for that matter) are an impossible tangle of bullshit and corruption. When I start paying attention to it and forming opinions I almost get mad at myself for following the projected storyline. The truth is always far more complex and twisted than what’s being broadcast through the media, and behind it all is a wave of special interest money and propaganda. It almost seems impossible to fix. If I ever had to go on a political talk show I think it would be very hard to take the whole proposition seriously, and I would almost certainly just start ranting about how ridiculous it is that we’re even discussing it instead of unveiling the true motivation behind all world events; people with fuck loads of money want to make more of it, and they don’t give a fuck who has to die to make that happen.”
— Joe Rogan
Monday, January 2, 2012
Introverted Intuition
Of all the people in the world, I am part of 1% that struggle daily to find other like-minded personalities. I guess that explains why I don't exactly have it easy making close long-term friends. But not to worry, I don't think I'm that hard to get along with unless you're a total douche. This not so accurate online test also reveals I'm pretty average. It's another way of saying, "You're special, but you're not that great either". Well, whatever. As long as I get by, I'm fine how I am.
Sunset
We rose from bed, took twelve steps,
and gazed at auburn skies bleeding.
I took you to the balcony to get away
from the room. Some air, I said.
You couldn’t do more than nod.
Our breaths met the afternoon breeze.
It felt like the final days of summer
long ago, whenever a friend’s mother
sent me away at what time
I did not want
to go home.
How that left a heavy feeling in my throat;
stones lodged too deep to heave.
The only way to displace the weight
was to let it flow. Later, they became tears—
a child sees endings this way.
That day was no different. Coming outside,
you let go of my hand, stood near the ledge
and caught a glimpse of the low sun.
I watched from behind. Waiting for dusk,
we did not say a word.
No sunset is the same as the last.
Years later, I stopped the flow.
Most of us don’t cry
as often as we used to.
Where there are no pleasant departures
some are more distinct, like the color
of nightfall as I watched you
prepare for everything after, setting it
apart from the others I’ve seen
and have yet to see.
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